That villainous creature, the teenage mother

A couple of days ago a discussion about teenage pregnancies took place on the excellent Vanessa Feltz show on BBC Radio London. It turns out that every year around 57,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the London area. Some have protested at the reaction they get from the general public. They aren’t seen as role models.

At my school very few girls fell into this category and those who did were regarded as rather stupid by the ones who had plans for the future. This did not mean that we weren’t having sex. We had taken on board the information provided during sex education lessons and in those pre-HIV days this usually meant taking the contraceptive pill. I wonder how many of those who took this superior attitude now have gone on to have children? I suspect they have left it too late by putting their careers first and discovered that, in spite of what we were led to believe by teachers and parents, it is not possible to have it all.

We are now in a situation where older women are trying to fix the situation that the passing of time has left them in, using fertility treatment to give them the children that come too easily to those who succumb to a persuasive boyfriend in the heat of the moment. It has to be said that in both situations having the ideal father for your child is not likely to be the motivating factor. Older women may have searched in vain for Mr. Right and girls are probably on the receiving end of a good deal of persuasion that they have found him.

The irony is of course that it is the teenager who is at the right age to cope with pregnancy and produce healthy children. It is the mature mother who runs the risk of a child with significant (and expensive) health issues. Midwives will tell you that younger mothers have quicker and relatively trouble free births, whereas older mothers sometimes have a harder time and their children are more likely to need intensive post natal care.

I wonder if there ever was a time when the majority of young women married before becoming pregnant. I suspect that there were far more “unwanted” pregnancies than we will ever really know about and a great many more people “living in sin” than was admitted at the time. The fact is that women were afraid of getting pregnant because childbirth could kill you in an age when midwives were poorly informed. The urge to procreate is a powerful thing and resists all the rules that society thinks it can impose. Some sacrificed their own chance of motherhood to their careers as teachers, nurses and carers for other people’ children. How often were these women sneered at and described as “dry old maids”? How many women committed suicide because they were conscious of the shame of being pregnant but unmarried?

It’s very sad to hear that some teenage mothers have been on the receiving end of abusive comments from some older people. Where this has happened I think it has more to do with the suggestion that they are all living off the state rather than ensuring that they can support themselves and their child before becoming mothers. Times are hard and there is a largely unfounded theory that a teenage mother automatically qualifies for free public housing, unlike the many single men who are the ones most in need of this kind of accommodation. How frustrating it must be for a man who has been on the council waiting list for most of his adult life to see a very young pregnant girl “get” the flat that he has waited years for. Undoubtedly, a small number of young women who, having seen others (in some cases their own mothers) benefit from a system that tries to ensure that every child born in the UK has an adequate roof over its head, deliberately become pregnant in order to benefit from it themselves. However I don’t think it’s that easy for all of those concerned.

Someone usually takes in that teenager, even when she is turned out by an outraged father. This is often the mother of the boyfriend who allowed that underage girl to share a bedroom with her son in the first place. This seems to happen so often now that I can’t help feeling that there is a degree of calculation in all this. They are guaranteed at least one grandchild during their lifetime, unlike the parents whose well-educated, well brought up daughters have left them waiting in vain.

I also feel that we are missing the point when it comes to schoolgirl mums. How often does the person who got her pregnant get punished or even criticised? Unless you have been through it yourself it is hard to describe the pressure that the person you believe that you love at that moment can exert when they want sex. You don’t want to lose them and, for a very young woman who has yet to develop the self-confidence that an older woman searching for the right man has, it may seem as though this is your one and only chance for love.

A few months ago I happened to overhear a discussion between two young men that was mostly about girlfriends and parenthood. It was a fascinating insight into the older teenage mind but it revealed an unsettling degree of confusion. They seemed critical of those of their peers who had become parents but their own physical needs and desires were likely to get in the way of common sense when it came to getting what they wanted. The concerns about HIV and AIDs that dominated my teenage years had passed them by. And so the cycle continues.

One of the things that struck me about the radio discussion was the number of callers who had been teenage (and often schoolgirl) mums but had gone on to gain an education, even a Master’s Degree. One young woman had married the father of her child when she was a few weeks away from giving birth to her child. Her husband was now a plumber and although they were still living with the in-laws she was determined to be part of a self-supporting family.

I still believe that it is preferable that parenthood should be put off until those considering it are in a financial position to fund it. I no longer sneer at young women who want to be wives and mothers rather than having a career. Those who become pregnant when they are going through their education should be given the option of continuing it at some stage but I believe that the interests of the child should come first. Mum should be there until they start school but should expect to start supporting herself or re-enter education at this stage. I think fathers should be on the receiving end of more criticism for their part in getting very young girls pregnant – it’s nothing to be proud of that you’re the absent father to several children by different women, especially if you aren’t paying for them.

Above all I believe that children should never be punished as they once were for being the consequence of a moment of weakness. They should be regarded as a very precious resource whatever the circumstances of their conception.